Hindrances to kindness

Anger and bitterness are not the only two hindrances to kindness. Carolyn points out that judging is also lurking in our heart. She uses Ken Sande's definition of judging as "looking for other's faults and ,without valid or sufficient reason, forming unfavorable opinions of their qualities, words, actions or motives...in simple terms it means looking for the worst in others"
We must recognize that whom we judge the most severe, are those who are closest to us. Scripture tells us in John 7:24 "Do not judge by appearance but judge with right judgment"
When we sinfully judge our husband and children, we prevent seeking their happiness. When we wrongfully judge and persistently look for faults in our loved ones, we are sinning. As with every other sin, we must confess, repent and live in the forgiveness God extends to us.
But we must also seek the Holy Spirit's help in order that we make sure we think the most loving and kind thoughts.
Carolyn does point out that exercising loving judgement DOES NOT mean that we ignore sin in the lives of family members. " It means that we are not to presume that they are sinning, unless there is solid evidence. If there are clear indications that a family member is sinning in a manner to serious to overlook, we must humbly approach the person and ASK if we perceive the situation accurately. We should never assume...if correction is necessary we should bring it with all humility and kindness."
As we have looked at the three hindrances to kindness: Anger, bitterness and judging, have you seen yourself in any of these? I have. May I say that anger has often lead to bitterness and judgement! I have recognized that apart from God's Grace, I am doomed. But it is only as I reflect on His kindness towards me, can I extend that to my family. If you find yourself in a mental battle with anger, bitterness and judgement, could I suggest you take your "thoughts captive to the authority of Christ" 2 Cor. 10:5
Turn towards Him in prayer. Devote yourself to pursuing the best thoughts about people, especially those you love. Seek grace..."The prayer of a righteous man (woman) is powerful and effective" James 5:16 parenthesis mine.
It is only as we turn those sinful thoughts over to Christ can He begin to change us. We have an advocate who can transform us and make us more and more like Him.

Hindrances to kindness

Yesterday we talked about one of the sins that can obstruct our sincere desire for our husbands' and children's happiness. Remember, kindness is a sincere desire for the happiness of others. Anger hinders kindness because the focus of our anger tends to be self-centered. I want my happiness more than I want loved ones to be happy. This seems to contradict everything we hear in the world about..."If mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy". The truth is, if we are satisfied and happy in Christ and He alone fulfills our desire for happiness then we truly are content. Our joy is expressed in a happy home...and showing kindness towards our family is a direct result of God's kindness towards us.
The second sin that can hinder kindness is bitterness. Carolyn points out author Jim Wilson's definition of bitterness " ....Bitterness is based upon somebody else's sin who is close to us and who did something to us. It might be minor. It does not have to be great; it just has to be close. Does he pick up his socks? No? Can you get bitter over that? Well, NO, but what if he does it 5,000 times? You may think you have a right to be bitter (Eph.4:31) says to get rid of all bitterness"
We are also warned to be careful because "hurt feelings" can quickly, if unchecked, turn into bitterness. We can deceive ourselves and say we have a right to be upset. We validate those sinful feelings. But, if we don't guard that reaction it quickly can turn into bitterness. How do we know if such thinking has turned into bitterness? When we constantly review in our minds the wrong someone has done. As we repeatedly replay the offence in our minds we can wallow in self-pity and begin to withdraw our affection. That is bitterness and as long as we continue in that thought pattern bitterness will take root in our heart. We must confess, repent and get rid of such thoughts. We must forgive as God has forgiven us. It is only as we realize HOW MUCH MORE God has forgiven us, that we can extent that same generosity to others
Think about your own life...every thought, every emotion that has set itself up against God's standard is judged by God. How well do you stand under that? We are guilty of it all, and yet God has forgiven us in Christ. Our call as wives, mothers and Godly women is to extend that same grace to others. Do you need to do that today?...the Bible says "Where sin abounds Grace abounds more" If you need God's Grace to forgive, look to the One who gives it abundantly, holding nothing back. Get rid of that bitterness...it will do nothing but destroy.
Any thoughts? let me know : Girlschat@gmail.com

Janet

The Rewards of Kindness

Chapter 7 of our book "Feminine Appeal" gives us a definition of kindness and mentions three sins that hinder kindness.
I appreciate the distinction Carolyn makes between kindness and goodness. So often we use those two words to mean the same things. But she states that kindness is a desire that sincerely wants other's happiness. Goodness is, on the other hand, an activity that is calculated to advance happiness. One is a desire the other action.
Now that we have our definitions, what hinders kindness? Carolyn points out three sins that can rob kindness and destroy kind desires.
Before I highlight those sins, Carolyn also reminds us that once again we can not accomplish anything on our own. Kindness is a temperament and quality we must continually ask God's Holy Spirit to give us strength to have and maintain. Kindness is not a virtue we can have on our own strength, it is often obstructed by sin and our own selfish desires. So to begin to be kind, we must rely on God's strength.
What are three of the sins that hinder kindness? She first mentions anger. What is in our hearts will spill out when given the slightest provocation. Have you ever lashed out at you husband? Kids? Friends? They wondered where did that come from? Well it came from your heart. Matthew 15:18 says "What comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart"
If we do not continuously deal with unrepentant anger in our heart, it will rear it's ugly tone in our conversation. A few weeks ago, David was out of town and I had fixed a nice diner for the kids. As it often is now, everyone was running in every direction. And as I kept calling for them to come to dinner it was getting later and later. Finally they came to the table, and the first thing I hear is "I don' t like this, Mom" "Is there anything else?" Well I just about lost it! No, I mean I lost it. I went on about how ungrateful they were...how most kids don't get a meal at night...I also got on my self-pity soapbox and said "why do I even bother"...I am sure you get the picture. It was as if I was taking out the garbage in my heart. The children were sad and not a word was spoken. Afterwards, I realized my screaming and ranting had nothing to do with the meal...it had to do with pride. I was angry because I did not think they appreciated me enough. I was the source of the anger...not them. It would have been easy to make sandwiches...but I was prideful... all day I had worked and I needed some respect and affirmation.
What I should have been doing throughout the day is, confessing those thoughts of pride, resentment and selfishness all day! Then I would have been able to respond to the kids with kindness at the dinner table.
Can you relate? Do you ever feel that all the anger, resentment and prideful thoughts of your day come to a head in the littlest comment from your husband or kids? If so, let's learn to confess and repent quickly, so that we may enjoy expressing kindness to those we love.
Tomorrow we will look at the other two sins: Bitterness and judging. Ouch!
REMINDER: "NAPLES GIRLS" WE WILL MEET AT MY HOUSE TOMORROW AT 7:00. BRING APPETIZER AND RECIPE TO EXCHANGE.

Smile it is Friday!

This is a chore my husband and son don't have to do much here in the South. But some of you up North in Indiana, Tennessee and Georgia can certainly relate....hopefully NOT to the method!

For Naples Girls...we will meet Tuesday at my house, 7:00 p.m. Those who can, remember to bring an appetizer and recipe to exchange for the Holidays! Have a great weekend...Be a blessing!



DROP ME A NOTE OR IF YOU WANT TO RECEIVE THIS POST BY E-MAIL : girlschat@gmail.com

The Honor of working at home part 2

Carolynn gives us some additional insight on managing a home from a passage in 1 Timothy 5:14. Here Paul instructs:
"So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households and give the adversary no occasion for slander"
Carolynn tells us, "In the Greek, the phrase "manage their households" carries a strong connotation. It literally means to be the ruler, despot, or master of the house...we are to function as the home manager---taking full ownership of all the domestic duties of the household"
What this means is we are to "run" our homes in a way that it provides safety, nurturing, order and reflects God. This does NOT mean we are to usurp our husbands authority, but instead provide an atmosphere where our husbands can find full support. Our children should sense security and peace. It should be managed as a place where there is protection from the outside world.
David and I have traveled to many homes over the years. There have been large homes and very modest, intimate homes. And in these homes, size or material possessions did not make a difference. We could sense homes that were warm and well managed and homes that were disorganized and tense. There is a "greeting" to every home. A sense that you are "safe and at rest" it has nothing to do with what you have but everything with what you give.

If we pour ourselves into our homes...give that our best, our homes will reflect that. Yesterday I said, I found it interesting that in our Titus passage "working at home" comes right after self-control and purity. If we are running around with no boundaries and constantly out of our homes it is very hard to manage that home. If we don't seek purity, it's not easy to filter out the world. Our charge is, to spend our energy in our homes. Order our days. Be self-controlled... keep our schedules manageable. Clean out the corrupt messages of the world that have gotten in...magazines, videos, pictures, music. You will be surprised how much is in there when you purposefully seek to get it out. We are to make a home a safe-haven for our husband and children. We should seek to make it a home that reflects God.

Again, Carolynn reminds us: "Sometimes between scrubbing toilets or laundering dirty clothes, we can loose sight of the significance of our calling. We look around and perceive everyone engaged in meaningful work...our vision for working at home begins to flag...What we need is a biblical perspective. For in God's economy homemaking is a high and noble calling...by working at home we CAN represent the Gospel as attractive to unbelievers. Our homes can be a showcase for the Gospel!"

I love Carolynn's prayer at the end of the chapter:
"Lord help me to build the kind of home where all who enter find it impossible to keep from thinking of God"

The Honor of working at home

I think this topic of "homemaker" makes me as anxious as the topic of "submission"...which we will be discussing later! That's why I wanted to begin by looking at why is there this tension between staying at home and working outside of the home? It was not like this before...it really has happened within my generation. And I believe, with the Feminist movement years ago and that rhetoric continues to echo today. Yesterday, we briefly, looked at some of the theology hidden, deep within Feminism. This theology is one that is discrediting God, Christ and the authenticity of the Scriptures.
When we look at the passage in Titus 2, there is really no doubt what God is saying. There is no parable to interpret...it is simple and direct. When a shooter goes out to shoot, he goes for the clearest target...this is clear.
"Older women, likewise, are to be reverent in behaviour, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their own husbands, that the Word of God may not be reviled." Titus 2:3-5
So what does God have to say to us about working at home? First, home is I simply her "sphere", that's her "domain." It comes from two Greek words Ergon, which means "work," and Oikos which means "house". It doesn't mean we have to be in our homes 24 hours and can never leave. Carolyn points out in her book, the woman in Proverbs 31 left home when she needed to to buy a field, prepare that field, and even went far to find things that would help the family. The Proverbs 31 woman, did all she needed to do, but the focus of everything was her home. That's where she poured her life ...she got up early and she went to bed late for the sake of her home. Women are to be a home keepers, that's the sphere of our responsibility, that's our place of enjoyment (not employment), that's where we should pour our lives. As Carolyn tells us "Scripture provides examples of godly women who worked in other settings and earned extra income, but never to the neglect of families and homes"
Second, it's important to take note that there are "seasons" in our lives when pursuits outside our home won't affect/neglect our homes. When David and I first got married, we both had careers. We both arrived home late and there was no tension that we did not eat at 6:30. When our children came, it was important to us, to set up a routine for dinner. Tensions began to build towards that inconsistency. The girls kept going to bed later and later which added much tension to our lives at night and in the morning when we were all exhausted! We managed to keep busy schedules and often the tension grew greater because my boss was asking for longer hours. But God interceded and a choice had to be made. I had to trust Him at His Word...Ephesians 5:29 says that our husbands are to "feed and care" for us as Christ does the Church. David's role is of provider and my role is as helper.
Last to consider, what are we to do if we HAVE to work. To answer that, we must check our motives. Is it for me, because I am "not fulfilled at home" or is it because it enhances and enriches our home? If the purpose for work accomplishes some spiritual goal, then that's between you and the Lord and your husband. God's will is clear...our sphere of influence is to be our homes. Our greatest impact in the world is to raise a generation of children who love Christ and live to bless others.
Before we go, I have to say, often it is hard to make a choice, If you, like I did, are facing this struggle day by day, would you begin today to ask God to give you courage and faith to live as He wants you to? Would you pray for creative ways to "cut-back" expenses so you can live under your husband's care? And would you trust Him?

Tomorrow we will touch on what does it look like to be "working at home". It is so perfect that God would place that command right after self-control and purity.

Any thoughts? Go to girslchat@gmail.com

Feminism and the honor of working at home

In Carolyn Mahaney's book she begins the topic of "home-making" with a warning for us. She says that once (not to long ago) being a wife, raising children and keeping a home were the most natural things to do. Then she goes on to say
"But all that has changed. Women today are perplexed and uncertain...much of this confusion is a direct result of the feminist theology. "
This week I have taken the time to look back and see how the feminist movement got started. It was very eye-opening. I grew-up in it and I remember the mantra "I am woman hear me roar." I thought "No more dishes for me...I am making my way in the world...make a name for myself."
Now, I have come to understand what harm and hurt it has brought. I myself was caught in the "movement" for many years.
Here are some quotes from the movement, I thought you would find insightful:
--"The Declaration of Feminism goes back to November of 1971 when they laid out their agenda and this is what it says, quote: "The end of the institution of marriage is necessary for the liberation of women. Therefore, it is important for us to encourage women to leave their husbands and not live individually with men. All of history must be rewritten in terms of oppression of women. We must go back to ancient female religions like witchcraft"
--"Annie Laurie Gayler writing an article called "Feminist salvation" in the Humanist in 1988 says, quote: "Let's forget about the mythical Jesus and look for encouragement, solace, and inspiration from real women. Two thousand years of patriarchal rule under the shadow of the cross ought to be enough to turn women toward the feminist's salvation of the world"
--"Dr. Mary Jo Bain, feminist, assistant professor of education at Wellesly College and the associate director of the School Center for Research on Women writes, quote: "In order to raise children with equality, we must take them away from families and communally raise them"
Does that sound familiar? Remember "It takes a village to raise a child" ?

Some of these thoughts bring shivers to my mind and heart.
This look at their underlying theology is scary, but even more is that we have bought into it. Yes the very thought of freedom and equality sound like the heart of the gospel...but it is a false gospel. Carolyn tells us :
"Feminism has failed to deliver as advertised. Yet feminist philosophy has become thoroughly integrated into the values of mainstream society--so much so that it has been absorbed and applied by the majority of women, some who don't even consider themselves as feminist."

Can I ask you to consider what are your views on feminism? Have you found yourself in a battle ground that you are loosing? Over and over I hear of women who are struggling with family, work, home and so many other demands.
Tomorrow we can look at what God's Word has to say...

"All Scripture is God-Breathed and is useful for teaching, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work"
2 Tim 3:16
Let me know your thoughts: girlschat@gmail.com

(Feminist quotes taken from a sermon by John MacArthur)

A little more "chatting"

Today just a quick post with a note from Cathy...one of our "girlschatter". I hope you find encouragement as she is discovering that IN CHRIST we do have the power to grow and live a life that is God Honoring. Thanks for encouraging me, Cathy!

she says:
"I agree and say "yes" we CAN be all that God wants us to be....I know that at times I can become overwhelmed "feeling" that somehow I could never be all that God wants me to be, however, I do believe that all things are possible...I have been in God's word DAILY since our guest speaker gave testimony as to what really made the difference in her own life.....and of course, that was spending time with the Lord everyday....I'm hard on myself, but my husband claims that he sees changes in me!!! I guess that's a good thing!"
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I am still recovering from bronchitis but hope to be back in full force soon...hope you all are well.
Next post we will be chatting about the "Honour of Working at Home"...I know some of you have full-time careers but my hope is that you will "stay tuned" and see what God has for you specifically...Not condemnation but exclamation and encouragement towards His great Word.
Janet
If you want to chat...e-mail me: www.girlschat@gmail.com

SMILE IT IS FRIDAY!

After the couple of weeks we have had, I can't help but relate to this...


"Be still and know that I am God"

Can we do it all?

We have been talking about can all that God has for us come about? Can we really be changed women? On our own we will fail, but in Christ all things are possible. One of the strongest, most powerful and effective tools we have to change is the word of God. Yvette sent some wonderful verses that I posted at the end of yesterday's post...you can read them as you scroll down today's post.

Yesterday I received a letter, that speaks about how to discern the will of God.
I want to share parts of the letter with you because it answers some of the questions we have regarding the possibility to live a life that brings glory to God.

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the BEST USE OF THE TIME, because the days are evil. " Eph. 5:15 ---The "best use of time" refers to choosing how to spend our time for the Glory of God...for eternal things not temporal.
The letter goes on to say...
"All of us make decisions based on what we really love. If deep down we really love the world, this will become apparent in the pattern of decisions that we make--we will look mainly like the world. But if we really love Christ, we will increasingly love what He loves. This is the transforming of a renewed mind....this love will be revealed in the PATTERN of small and large decisions that we make. I say pattern of decisions because all of us sin and make mistakes. But conformity to the world or to Christ, can be seen in the pattern of decisions we make.
Hebrews 5:14 tells us to use"our powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil."
As the discussion went on Tuesday night, this was a thought that kept coming up...can we really be all that God wants us to be?...and I say yes! It is this renewing process and a pattern of thinking that produces a life that honors God. Romans 12:2 "Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind that by testing, you may discern what the will of God is, what is good and acceptable and perfect"
This verse indicates that "renewing" is a constant process...on going...day by day....and it is through that way of thinking that we can discern what is good or evil. What are we renewing our mind in? The Word of God...Scripture...the Bible. This new mind won't happen all at once but it WILL happen as we daily train our minds to choose God's way.
How are you renewing your mind? Do you have verses that you keep in the forefront of your thinking that help you discern what is good and what is evil? Let me know...email them at girlschat@gmail.com

Girls Chat Last night....

Last night Naples Girls got together to discuss the last two chapters from Carolyn Mahaney's Book "Feminine Appeal" We discussed self-control and purity. Here is an overview of the discussion. If you have a thought to add you can join our talk through e-mail. (Girlschat@gmail.com)

The first question we addressed was one area in our lives where we are in most need of self-control. Some of the answers dealt with food, shopping and "loosing" control. As we talked more about these issues we discovered we can't control these weakness on our own. Some of our weakness such as food and shopping have a physical gratification...we actually "feel" good when we succumb to them. Our emotions get a "high" and things feel great. To combat these temptations we must use spiritual warfare. We talked about "knowing the Word of God" so we can fight those feelings. Knowing that "He is greater in me than he who is in the world" 1 John 4:4. Meditating on Scripture has a way to diffuse the intensity of the attack and we can be victorious. Let me ask you...are there verses you cling to combat temptation you could share with us?

We also talked about Purity. How are all the world systems (materialism, sexuality, economics, relativism, post-modernism and entertainment) influencing our view of Purity? We discovered that alot of wordily thinking has crept into our view of purity. We have been deceived in calling sin by so many other names to make it less offensive. Alternate lifestyle, choice, open marriage and many other names. But it is important we call it by its real name "sin" and that we teach our children what sin is. We discussed how worldly thinking sets itself up against God's Holiness and Truth. We were encouraged to discover that being Holy is being set apart to God. Just as God is Holy, because there is no one like Him, we are called to be Holy and called out from the world. That means separating ourselves from the world's ways. We came to the realization that as much as we are discovering about God and His standard the more we need to change. The closer we draw to Him the more we see our sinfulness. "To whom much is given much is required. "

Finally the overall conclusion was that on our own power we can not change. That is why we need and HAVE a Saviour. He came to save us from ourselves and the power sin has over us. "You are no longer slaves to sin but righteousness" Romans 6:18. We give Him glory when we testify about His power to change us and bring us out of the world. Yvette gave a beautiful testimony of her changed life...it takes time but what God began He will finish.

Let me encourage you that wherever you are struggling with purity or self-control, God can rescue you! Look to the Saviour...with Him all things are possible!

Yvette writes:
Verses that help me stay focused on God.
"Nevertheless when one turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the spirit; and where the spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. but we all with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord are being transformed into the same image from the glory, just as by the spirit of the Lord." 2 Corinthians
Psalm One 1-6
"Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. but his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper. The ungodly are not so; but are like the chaff which the wind driveth away. Therefore the ungodlyshall not stand in the judgment, not sinners int he congregation of the righteous. For the Lord knoweth the way of the righteous; but the way of the ungodly shall perish."
"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. " Romans 12:21
It helps to post them up where you can always see them.

Great thoughts Yvette...thanks so much! Keep the verses coming! janet

One character trait leads to the next...

We have been chatting about self-control and purity. In the verse we are taking apart:
Titus 2:3-5 "Older women likewise, are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderous or slave to much wine. They are to teach what is good and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their husbands so that the word of God may not be reviled"

I love the order God gave for each of His distinctives here. First priority for a married young woman is to love her husband, then her children. How precious this priority is and can I even say that loving our husbands IS loving our children. Children will grow up in the most secure, safe, loving home as husbands and wives love each other first. In that order they know that they are secure and protected under that love which mom and dad posses. When that gets skewed towards loving our children first, we set ourselves up for disharmony and tension.

Then God moves from an established home, ordered in love, to what that life will exhibit. And in that He also sets up a Godly order where one trait gives way to the other. Out of self-control, purity is born. When we are setting up protective walls for our mind and heart... purity is protected. When we don't let in corrupt morals, deceptive thought and self-centered emotion we preserve purity.

Now comes the hard questions...taking what we know out of our heads and putting it into practice...How are you doing? What protection have you established since we last talked about it? What have you walked away from in order to preserve pure thoughts? Are there warning signs in your life today, that you need to respond to and set up protection for yourself? How about for your children? What are the struggles that rob joy in your life? Remember taking control is not based on what you can do BUT it is based on the power of Christ in your life...it is exchanging the temporal for something much greater, much more enjoyable and eternal. It is as Paul says "Taking every thought captive and placing it UNDER the authority of Christ"
We submit every attitude, every emotion, every concept that we have about life and place it under Christ. That means His standard is our judgement bar. His Words become our plumb line...our measurement.

E-mail me your thoughts at Girlschat@gmail.com

The Pleasure of Purity

The title of this Chapter "The pleasure of purity" seems at first a contradiction in terms. In today's contemporary worldly thinking Purity and Pleasure seem to be at odds with each other. But once gain we need to look at how much of the world's thinking has infiltrated God's view of "pleasure"

Carolyn points out in her book "Feminine Appeal" :

"If you watch TV or go to the movies or read magazines today, you get the idea that the only people having sex "or good sex" are the ones who aren't married. If marital sex is even portrayed in popular media it seems bland or routine. Our culture has pushed marital sex into the background and instead celebrated immoral sex"

How true is that. We are bombarded with pictures, songs and thinking that slowly creeps in and pollutes our view of sexual marital fulfillment. It is hard to keep all that junk out...but it is something we must begin to throw out of our thoughts and lives.

Carolyn tells us " God intends us to experience tremendous joy and satisfaction when we express our sexuality within the confines of marriage. Marital union and fidelity allow a husband and a wife to wholly delight in each other, without the consequences and contamination that accompany sinful sex"

It is important that we keep guard over what our eyes see, our ears hear and our minds dwell on. It is important that we warn and protect our children.

Do you watch TV programs where adulterous affairs are portrayed as good and fulfilling? I heard of a new billboard that is up in California. It says something like "You have only one life...have an affair" The implication in that is that an affair fulfills a life! How far have we gone that what is evil and immoral we now think of as fulfilling.

It reminds me of Romans 1:25 "They exchanged the truth of God for a lie" and further in Romans 1: 32 " Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them" We ought to be very careful of the things we approve...if we find pleasure in them we ought to search our hearts and confess.

For those of you who are single can I encourage you to guard your heart and mind. Develop a Godly view of marriage now...cultivate friendships with women who display that. Don't get caught in the world's thinking. It will only harm you later.

A wonderful Pastor once gave me this illustration. If you throw a brand new baseball , clean and shiny against a dirty wall when it returns to you it will have a black spot. If you continually throw it against that wall it will ultimately return to you dirty and black. That is how our mind is...just that quick contact against that dirty "wall" returns our thoughts spotted. If we continually keep throwing our minds there, it will ultimately be as black as the dirty wall.



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REMINDER: NAPLES GIRLS...We meet tomorrow at my house at 7:00. See you then!

SMILE IT'S FRIDAY!

This clip is perfect to illustrate what we talked about yesterday...Self-control. This woman not only needs to build walls but needs a reality check!






To view just click twice on arrow.
Have a wonderful weekend and let me hear how you are setting up protective "walls" around yourself.
If you see a funny clip or picture, send it and I'll try and post it for our "Smile it's Friday"

Just saying no is NOT enough for self-control

We have heard it say over and over..."Just say No" or "Just do it" but is it as simple as that? In our Book "Feminine Appeal" we are reading Chapter 4 "The Safety of Self-Control" and Carolyn reminds us that "self-control is what we need to say NO to sinful desires." She also builds a picture that to be self-controlled we need to have walls of protection around us. She says, "God's Word likens self-control to walls or rather, it informs us that NOT having self-control is like NOT having walls..." Proverbs 25:28 says "A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls"
We often pray for our family and friends that God would put a hedge or a "wall" of protection around them. Do we ever pray that for ourselves? What does this "Wall" look like...Can I suggest that each brick in this wall has already been given to us we just need to build. Each brick is the precious and powerful Word of God. Let me give you an example: if I know that I am weak when it comes to eating sweets, I won't place myself in the bakery at 9:00 a.m.! But I can find strength when I remember Psalm 19:13. It says "Keep back your servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me".
How will they not have dominion over me? I will flee! Self-control begins not placing myself in an environment that I am too weak to resist the temptation. Can I also suggest this goes for Target when I know I don't have the money in my wallet or to girlfriends who gossip when I know I will get drawn into that conversation. Self-control takes a plan!
Self-control also requires power. The Christian way of self-control is NOT "Just say no!" The problem is with the word "just." You don't just say no. You say no in a certain way: You say "NO" by faith in the superior power of Christ. When we say "NO" we say no to our inner desires...our inner conflict that entices us to sin. That is controlling "self"...When you take the word apart it paints a picture of controlling your body, mind and appetites. And this kind of self-control may be painful. But the difference between worldly self-control and Godly self-control is crucial. Who will get the glory for victory? That's the issue. Will we get the glory? Or will Christ get the glory? If we exercise self-control by faith in Christ's superior power and pleasure, He will get the glory.

This weekend can we take a moment to evaluate ourselves? Where are you weak? Where are you lacking self-control? Then take the Word of God brick by brick and sentence by sentence and build a wall. Then look to Christ's superior power to stay within these walls protected. Then we can say "No"...boldly, confidently and giving Him all the Glory!

Getting to the heart of the matter

Yesterday, the discussion centered around disciplining young children, even though some of the principles could certainly be taken for older children. I think with everything we have read the last couple of days, one thing stands for sure...to "train up a child" we must reach the heart.
Society today, has done a great job of "behavioral goodness." We have set up boundaries, laws and structure to guide behavior and give us the appearance we are "good"
Jesus said in Matthew 19:17 "There is only One who is good" .
We have mistaken morality for goodness. There are a lot of people who think they are good because they are moral and they are moral because society has dictated how they are to behave. That's why when we parent we have to parent the heart. Psalm 51:10 says "Create in me a pure heart Oh God" That should be the prayer for our children. "Create in THEM a pure heart, Oh God" If He is the only true goodness than He is the only one who can change our wicked ways into good. So we must parent from the heart. How do we do this...

1--Find out the attitude of the heart that brought those words or actions. (Keep asking questions until you have pierced the heart)
2--Once the attitude or motive is out, go to God's Word and find what He says about it. You can go to your concordance in the back of the Bible and look up...anger, pride, jealousy etc and give them verses.
3--Once you expose the heart and reveal what God has to say, ask them to confess it as sin. God knows their heart and confession is really just agreeing with what God already knows. It is like saying "Yes God, you are right, I am angry and therefore hit my sister or tried to hurt my friend"
4--Finally after confession then have them close in prayer asking God to forgive and asking for His protection over them so they would not sin again. Having a child pray in this way, again exposes the heart and allows them to find comfort in God's presence.
5--Then we need to love them as God loves them. Never recalling their sin but always loving them back.

What a precious time to spend with our kids. No matter what age or circumstances, God wants to reveal their heart to us. If we would take the time, we will have a fruitful season of a changed heart. And a changed heart is a changed life!

THERE WILL BE NO POSTING TOMORROW BECAUSE DAVID AND I ARE GOING AWAY...YIPEE!!!
See you Thursday!

A united front

Raising Godly children is God's priority for the family. In Genesis, when we read the account of the first marriage "God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created them. And God blessed them and God said unto them, Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth" Gen 1:27-28.
It goes without saying that if our highest duty as parents is to raise disciples of Christ, we must ourselves be one. As disciples of Christ, He has given us clear instruction on how to raise up our children. A home must become a path to heaven. It is sad to say that often a home does not become a path to heaven but to hell. Sin has done this, but what sin has destroyed grace can restore.
To begin to set up this "Heaven-ward Home" we have to look at ourselves as one united with our husbands for this task. ""For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh" Gen 2:24-25.
As a husband and wife, you are one. You move as one, think as one and act like one!
Yvette asked the question:
How do you explain to your spouse that both parents are equally important in raising the children?
How do you explain to your spouse that consistency is important, and that it is crucial that both parents are on the same page?
These questions bring to the forefront how important it is for moms and dads to present a united front. How do you achieve this? How do our children know when mommy speaks daddy speaks the same? Let me encourage you with a couple of suggestions:


1-In Gen. Chapter 4 we are shown the first family on earth in its full ugliness. We have Cain and Able, the first brothers and there is jealousy and selfishness already taking root. God in His mercy towards us shows us it is the fullness of their sin that lead to murder. But before we see the murder of Abel, we see a quote placed there for us as parents. It is a warning... It says "Then the Lord said to Cain 'Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door, it desires to have you but you must master it'" Gen. 4:6-7 As moms, many of us have insight into what "sin is crouching" at our child's door. We "see" their selfishness or anger or rebellion and we know it is crouching at the door desiring to have our children. If this is your insight today, go to your husband and let him know. Devise a system. TOGETHER that will help your child overcome this sin. So the first step in formatting a plan to discipline your child is be "pro-active" We need to see our children's weaknesses and then come up with a plan with our husbands on how to draw out the sin and replace it with Godly behavior.

2-As you sit with your husband and discuss a plan for discipline, encourage him to lead you in what actions to take. Don't usurp his authority here. Let him lead. As David says so often, it is not that men are not the leaders of the home is that we don't let them lead! So listen, provide insight into the sins and weaknesses of your children, but allow your husband to lead in the decision of what form of discipline. Now, that is not to say we can't express what we think, but submit to the final decision he makes.

3-Once you have expressed your concerns, your insights and suggestions for discipline...STICK TO IT! One of the greatest harms we do to our kids is set up walls for their protection and then we move them around. This just causes more confusion and begins to discredit God's own authority over them. God does not change His mind about His commands... He is steadfast, and constant. We know when we have disobeyed because we know the commands so well.

4-Let me just finish by saying, once you have a plan act on it quickly. Often we know what we have to do, but we don't like doing it. Discipline is hard work, it is constant work and if we chose not to do it we WILL pay the consequeces later. Kids need boundaries, they need to know if you say it once you will follow through.
If your child learns that she only needs to obey after the fifth warning, then the first four warnings will become routine verbiage that hold no significant meaning to her. In other words, why should she obey any of them when there are no consequences?
Another related example is the use of a raised voice. If we correct a child in a normal voice and she doesn't obey, the natural tendency is to raise our voice. When she doesn't obey a raised voice, that makes us even madder, and so we raise it even more...then more...then pretty soon we're yelling. If we don't discipline until we reach the yelling stage, then our child will learn that she doesn't need to obey until Dad or Mom starts yelling.
So what's the answer? You should give the same number of warnings as the number of times you want your children to consistently disobey. If you consistently discipline after one warning, your child will adjust her obedience accordingly. If you consistently discipline after ten warnings, that will become the standard.
I'm sure a lot of other factors come into play such as the age of the child, the environment (Are you at a funeral, or a children's party?), the seriousness of the offense, and the black-and-white nature of the disobedience, but generally speaking we should't give more than one warning, and sometimes none at all if the patern for discipline has been established.

5- Last thing is communication: We need to be sure when we communicate to our kids the language is clear. For instance, saying, "Pick up your doll, your blanket, and your pillow," is clearer than saying, "Pick up your room." "Come touch my hand," is clearer than saying, "Come here".
Our roles as moms comes with great joy and responsibility. I hope this helps to remind us all, what a great priviledge and task it is to raise Godly children. But remember, the blessing is immesurable.
Send questions to www.girlschat@gmail.com

SMILE IT IS FRIDAY!

With all our talk of disciple, here is a little clip that is hilarious! If it were just that simple we would not mind going through that embarrassment once!
To play just click twice on the arrow!

Keep those questions coming

Question time

We begun our discussion on discipline and I know many of us have questions. I thought for next couple of days if you have a question on discipline would you let me know.
I will search out answers for you and post them here on Monday.
So if you ever wondered about:
How many warnings can I give before I follow through?
What about when my husband says or disciplines different than I would?
What if my child talks back during disciple or even fights the discipline?
How do I discipline when we are in a public place?
Does the volume of my voice make a difference?

And I know there are many more...so let me know. Just e-mail me at girlschat@gmail.com
Janet

A child's heart

Last night we discussed many aspects of raising a child. The joy of making memories with them. How wonderful it is to take an ordinary day and make it extraordinary for our family...it's like we can make a snapshot for them to carry the rest of their lives. Some ideas that where tossed out were; Getting ice cream in your pajamas, boardgames by candlelight, hide-and-seek in the dark and just "watching" God's spectacular lighting show on a pillow on the floor! Great ideas that I hope we all can put to use.
We also discussed how hurried and fast paced our lives are... we must make a concentrated effort to slow down and be still. This doesn't just happen...we must deliberately plan to teach them to "be still" It is a great gift to slow down and linger...to just play or chat or have tea. It is when we slow down that we learn and savour God...meditate on His creation and Word. That is also a great time to teach our children about God.
Proverbs 31 teaches us about a model woman:
"She opens her mouth with wisdom and her tongue is the law of kindness. She watches over the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. He children rise up and call her blessed" Prov. 31:26-28
Can there be a greater reward here on earth than to be called "Blessed"? We are told that her words are wise, always pointing to Christ. If we are to model this woman we too must have wise words that point to Christ. Taking every opportunity to teach our children about the Lord takes diligence and perseverance. When we discipline we must not correct just conduct but we must expose the heart so that God can change the heart. God is concerned with the heart – the wellspring of life (Proverbs 4:23). We can only do that as we point them towards Christ.

Here are some scriptures that we can use as we discipline the "heart"

Anger: Proverbs 14:17 A quick-tempered man does foolish things, and a crafty man is hated.
Matthew 5:21-22 You have heard that the law of Moses says, ‘Do not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’ But I say, if you are angry with someone, you are subject to judgment!
James 1:19-20 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

Harsh words to family: Exodus 20:12 “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”
Proverbs 18:13 He who answers before listening—that is his folly and his shame
Ephesians 4:32a Be kind and compassionate to one another.

A complainer: Philippians 2:14 Do everything without complaining or arguing.

Selfishness: Hebrews 13:16 And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.

Materialistic: 1 Timothy 6:6-7 Now godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world and it is certain we can carry nothing out"
Hebrews 13:5 Let your conduct be without covetousness: be content with such things as you have.
Lying: Proverbs 6:16-19 These six things the Lord hates, yes seven are an abomination to Him; A proud look, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that are swift in running to evil, a false witness who speaks lies and one who sows discord among his brothers and sisters.

There are many more to find. Maybe this week as you see your child wrestling with a sin issue, look on a concordance and do a word search to find all that God has to say about that. You can search modesty (if it is a clothing issue), disrespect or taking God's name and using it is everyday language. God's word has so much to say, we just need to listen to Him...That is my prayer for all of us this week.

3 John 4 "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. "

What is in their heart?

As we have started to look at the blessing of loving children, we have to understand that to love them we must know what is in their heart. When they are young, it is easier to "read" our children. For a 2-10 year old they wear their emotions on their sleeves. They tend to ask question and give much detail. As they get older that seems to get more and more difficult. I remember those middle-school years with Jessica and often meeting her in the hall way, holding her with my two arms and saying "I know the REAL Jessica is in there...would you come out?" Figuring out our pre-teens and teenagers is a full time process but one we can meet lovingly, tenderly and if humor helps that's great also!
I was listening to John Piper's Desiring God Conference this weekend on the computer. Mentioned in a Q&A session were a list of questions to ask your child to draw their heart out...get you to see inside their heart. I thought these were wonderful so I am passing them on for those who have pre-teenagers and teenagers. Remember our greatest opportunity to raise up disciples of Christ is to begin early to point them to His word and His Son. These questions provide such opportunities...

How are your devotions?
What is God teaching you?
In your own words, what is the gospel?
Is there a specific sin you’re aware of that you need my help defeating?
Are you more aware of my encouragement or my criticism?
What’s daddy (mommy)most passionate about?
Do I act the same at church as I do when I’m at home?
Are you aware of my love for you?
Is there any way I’ve sinned against you that I’ve not repented of?
Do you have any observations for me?
How am I doing as a dad (mom)?
How have Sunday’s sermons impacted you?
Does my relationship with mom (dad) make you excited to be married?
(On top of these things, with my older kids, I’m always inquiring about their relationship with their friends and making sure God and his gospel are the center of those relationship. And I look for every opportunity to praise their mother (father) and increase their appreciation and love for her (him).)

Some of these seem hard to ask...So we must begin by asking ourselves...are we modeling the life of a woman in love with her husband and with her God? What do they see in us that they would desire in themselves as adults? What areas must we change? Do we have a devotion time we can share with them? Are we letting them know the power of God's word to change us?
These are some of the things we will continue to talk about.

Naples Girls see you tonight!

"The Blessing of loving Children"

I love the title of this chapter...it does not say "the blessing of having children" but it says of "loving" children. And I think this title goes beyond just the birthing process...it implies a "relationship" with a child. It also implies that because it is a relationship it will have many stages and be an on-going relationship.
Most of us have very different birthing stories...some of us laboured for hours and other just a couple! Some of us where alert and awake and some of us wish we weren't! But in the end when that precious little baby was handed to us...there was an instant, never-to-be-broken bond. Those early years were filled with laughter, wonderful delight as we discovered much about the personality of that child. But there were also sleepless nights, cries that we could not understand, sleepless nights, eating problems and did I say sleepless nights?
But as each day passed we began to see this little baby reflect traits that were unique. The crooked smile, the intense stare, the laughter, the cry...I remember I could identify Jessica's cry in a nursery full of babies! I could be in the next room and know it was her cry! This wonderful gift of intimacy with our children must be nurtured and protected first in infancy and later as they become adults we still must be purposeful and nurturing in our relationship with them as adults.
Carolyn exhorts us on loving children with a tender love. It is the same love we are directed towards as we love our husbands "phileo" But as she speaks of it this time she gives us a warning...
"We must not allow our warm affection to degenerate into indulgence. To indulge our children means to allow them to use, do or have what they want to the detriment of their character. Do we give in to our three-year-old's demand at the grocery store? Do we supply our eight-year-old with whatever toy or gadget is the latest fad? Or do we allow our teenager to watch movies that undermine Biblical values? IN OUR EFFORT TO ENJOY OUR CHILDREN, WE MUST NEVER BECOME TOLERANT OF SINFUL BEHAVIOR OR LENIENT TOWARD WORLDLY COMPROMISE"
It is natural for us to want our children to like us....but we must remember that mothering is not always likable but it is always to protect, encourage and point our children towards Christ.
Our faith in God and our submission to His word becomes the greatest tool God can use to bring salvation to our children. The greatest joy and purpose of mothering has to be to make disciples of our children.
Andrew Murray puts it this way... "The natural love of a parent's heart made the child a beautiful one in his mother's eyes, but FAITH saw more than nature could...each child is a being created in God's image with the faint light of divine glory shinning from it..." Our greatest impact and legacy is to raise Christ followers.
The next few days we will chat about our greatest calling as mothers is to raise our children in the "Admonition of the Lord"...how can we do that? With God all things are possible!

NAPLES GIRLS...we meet tomorrow night and I have a surprise for you! Come on time so you can meet her!