Hindrances to kindness

Anger and bitterness are not the only two hindrances to kindness. Carolyn points out that judging is also lurking in our heart. She uses Ken Sande's definition of judging as "looking for other's faults and ,without valid or sufficient reason, forming unfavorable opinions of their qualities, words, actions or motives...in simple terms it means looking for the worst in others"
We must recognize that whom we judge the most severe, are those who are closest to us. Scripture tells us in John 7:24 "Do not judge by appearance but judge with right judgment"
When we sinfully judge our husband and children, we prevent seeking their happiness. When we wrongfully judge and persistently look for faults in our loved ones, we are sinning. As with every other sin, we must confess, repent and live in the forgiveness God extends to us.
But we must also seek the Holy Spirit's help in order that we make sure we think the most loving and kind thoughts.
Carolyn does point out that exercising loving judgement DOES NOT mean that we ignore sin in the lives of family members. " It means that we are not to presume that they are sinning, unless there is solid evidence. If there are clear indications that a family member is sinning in a manner to serious to overlook, we must humbly approach the person and ASK if we perceive the situation accurately. We should never assume...if correction is necessary we should bring it with all humility and kindness."
As we have looked at the three hindrances to kindness: Anger, bitterness and judging, have you seen yourself in any of these? I have. May I say that anger has often lead to bitterness and judgement! I have recognized that apart from God's Grace, I am doomed. But it is only as I reflect on His kindness towards me, can I extend that to my family. If you find yourself in a mental battle with anger, bitterness and judgement, could I suggest you take your "thoughts captive to the authority of Christ" 2 Cor. 10:5
Turn towards Him in prayer. Devote yourself to pursuing the best thoughts about people, especially those you love. Seek grace..."The prayer of a righteous man (woman) is powerful and effective" James 5:16 parenthesis mine.
It is only as we turn those sinful thoughts over to Christ can He begin to change us. We have an advocate who can transform us and make us more and more like Him.

Hindrances to kindness

Yesterday we talked about one of the sins that can obstruct our sincere desire for our husbands' and children's happiness. Remember, kindness is a sincere desire for the happiness of others. Anger hinders kindness because the focus of our anger tends to be self-centered. I want my happiness more than I want loved ones to be happy. This seems to contradict everything we hear in the world about..."If mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy". The truth is, if we are satisfied and happy in Christ and He alone fulfills our desire for happiness then we truly are content. Our joy is expressed in a happy home...and showing kindness towards our family is a direct result of God's kindness towards us.
The second sin that can hinder kindness is bitterness. Carolyn points out author Jim Wilson's definition of bitterness " ....Bitterness is based upon somebody else's sin who is close to us and who did something to us. It might be minor. It does not have to be great; it just has to be close. Does he pick up his socks? No? Can you get bitter over that? Well, NO, but what if he does it 5,000 times? You may think you have a right to be bitter (Eph.4:31) says to get rid of all bitterness"
We are also warned to be careful because "hurt feelings" can quickly, if unchecked, turn into bitterness. We can deceive ourselves and say we have a right to be upset. We validate those sinful feelings. But, if we don't guard that reaction it quickly can turn into bitterness. How do we know if such thinking has turned into bitterness? When we constantly review in our minds the wrong someone has done. As we repeatedly replay the offence in our minds we can wallow in self-pity and begin to withdraw our affection. That is bitterness and as long as we continue in that thought pattern bitterness will take root in our heart. We must confess, repent and get rid of such thoughts. We must forgive as God has forgiven us. It is only as we realize HOW MUCH MORE God has forgiven us, that we can extent that same generosity to others
Think about your own life...every thought, every emotion that has set itself up against God's standard is judged by God. How well do you stand under that? We are guilty of it all, and yet God has forgiven us in Christ. Our call as wives, mothers and Godly women is to extend that same grace to others. Do you need to do that today?...the Bible says "Where sin abounds Grace abounds more" If you need God's Grace to forgive, look to the One who gives it abundantly, holding nothing back. Get rid of that bitterness...it will do nothing but destroy.
Any thoughts? let me know : Girlschat@gmail.com

Janet

The Rewards of Kindness

Chapter 7 of our book "Feminine Appeal" gives us a definition of kindness and mentions three sins that hinder kindness.
I appreciate the distinction Carolyn makes between kindness and goodness. So often we use those two words to mean the same things. But she states that kindness is a desire that sincerely wants other's happiness. Goodness is, on the other hand, an activity that is calculated to advance happiness. One is a desire the other action.
Now that we have our definitions, what hinders kindness? Carolyn points out three sins that can rob kindness and destroy kind desires.
Before I highlight those sins, Carolyn also reminds us that once again we can not accomplish anything on our own. Kindness is a temperament and quality we must continually ask God's Holy Spirit to give us strength to have and maintain. Kindness is not a virtue we can have on our own strength, it is often obstructed by sin and our own selfish desires. So to begin to be kind, we must rely on God's strength.
What are three of the sins that hinder kindness? She first mentions anger. What is in our hearts will spill out when given the slightest provocation. Have you ever lashed out at you husband? Kids? Friends? They wondered where did that come from? Well it came from your heart. Matthew 15:18 says "What comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart"
If we do not continuously deal with unrepentant anger in our heart, it will rear it's ugly tone in our conversation. A few weeks ago, David was out of town and I had fixed a nice diner for the kids. As it often is now, everyone was running in every direction. And as I kept calling for them to come to dinner it was getting later and later. Finally they came to the table, and the first thing I hear is "I don' t like this, Mom" "Is there anything else?" Well I just about lost it! No, I mean I lost it. I went on about how ungrateful they were...how most kids don't get a meal at night...I also got on my self-pity soapbox and said "why do I even bother"...I am sure you get the picture. It was as if I was taking out the garbage in my heart. The children were sad and not a word was spoken. Afterwards, I realized my screaming and ranting had nothing to do with the meal...it had to do with pride. I was angry because I did not think they appreciated me enough. I was the source of the anger...not them. It would have been easy to make sandwiches...but I was prideful... all day I had worked and I needed some respect and affirmation.
What I should have been doing throughout the day is, confessing those thoughts of pride, resentment and selfishness all day! Then I would have been able to respond to the kids with kindness at the dinner table.
Can you relate? Do you ever feel that all the anger, resentment and prideful thoughts of your day come to a head in the littlest comment from your husband or kids? If so, let's learn to confess and repent quickly, so that we may enjoy expressing kindness to those we love.
Tomorrow we will look at the other two sins: Bitterness and judging. Ouch!
REMINDER: "NAPLES GIRLS" WE WILL MEET AT MY HOUSE TOMORROW AT 7:00. BRING APPETIZER AND RECIPE TO EXCHANGE.

Smile it is Friday!

This is a chore my husband and son don't have to do much here in the South. But some of you up North in Indiana, Tennessee and Georgia can certainly relate....hopefully NOT to the method!

For Naples Girls...we will meet Tuesday at my house, 7:00 p.m. Those who can, remember to bring an appetizer and recipe to exchange for the Holidays! Have a great weekend...Be a blessing!



DROP ME A NOTE OR IF YOU WANT TO RECEIVE THIS POST BY E-MAIL : girlschat@gmail.com

The Honor of working at home part 2

Carolynn gives us some additional insight on managing a home from a passage in 1 Timothy 5:14. Here Paul instructs:
"So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households and give the adversary no occasion for slander"
Carolynn tells us, "In the Greek, the phrase "manage their households" carries a strong connotation. It literally means to be the ruler, despot, or master of the house...we are to function as the home manager---taking full ownership of all the domestic duties of the household"
What this means is we are to "run" our homes in a way that it provides safety, nurturing, order and reflects God. This does NOT mean we are to usurp our husbands authority, but instead provide an atmosphere where our husbands can find full support. Our children should sense security and peace. It should be managed as a place where there is protection from the outside world.
David and I have traveled to many homes over the years. There have been large homes and very modest, intimate homes. And in these homes, size or material possessions did not make a difference. We could sense homes that were warm and well managed and homes that were disorganized and tense. There is a "greeting" to every home. A sense that you are "safe and at rest" it has nothing to do with what you have but everything with what you give.

If we pour ourselves into our homes...give that our best, our homes will reflect that. Yesterday I said, I found it interesting that in our Titus passage "working at home" comes right after self-control and purity. If we are running around with no boundaries and constantly out of our homes it is very hard to manage that home. If we don't seek purity, it's not easy to filter out the world. Our charge is, to spend our energy in our homes. Order our days. Be self-controlled... keep our schedules manageable. Clean out the corrupt messages of the world that have gotten in...magazines, videos, pictures, music. You will be surprised how much is in there when you purposefully seek to get it out. We are to make a home a safe-haven for our husband and children. We should seek to make it a home that reflects God.

Again, Carolynn reminds us: "Sometimes between scrubbing toilets or laundering dirty clothes, we can loose sight of the significance of our calling. We look around and perceive everyone engaged in meaningful work...our vision for working at home begins to flag...What we need is a biblical perspective. For in God's economy homemaking is a high and noble calling...by working at home we CAN represent the Gospel as attractive to unbelievers. Our homes can be a showcase for the Gospel!"

I love Carolynn's prayer at the end of the chapter:
"Lord help me to build the kind of home where all who enter find it impossible to keep from thinking of God"