Guides for our young adults

Hi everyone! Glad to be back home. I am still processing so ,much of last week away...later I will share some of the great principles I learned. A friend sent these to me not to long ago...
Some of us have smaller children but many of us have children that are beginning the dating process or courtships. Here are some wonderful guidelines to begin to share and encourage them with. For those of you who are yourselves in this process, let me know your thoughts!

For girls...
1) A godly woman should allow the man to initiate the relationship. This does not mean that she does nothing. She helps! If she thinks there is a good possibility for a relationship, she puts him at east and encourages him as opportunities arise.
2) A godly woman should speak positively and respectfully about her boyfriend in his presence and absence.
3) A godly woman should give honest attention to his interests.
4) A godly woman should recognize the sexual temptations with which a single man will normally struggle and will avoid potentially compromising situations.
5) A godly woman will build up the man with God's Word and give encouragement to godly leadership. She should allow and seek biblical encouragement from the man she is dating.
6) A godly woman will make "helping" and "respecting" the watchwords of her behavior toward a man.
7). A godly woman will remember that the man is her brother in the Lord. She should not be afraid to end an unhealthy relationship but should seek to do so with charity and grace.

And for guys:
1) Commit to take the lead in the godliness of your relationship.
2) Decide before starting the relationship if you are willing to love a woman in the self-sacrificing, nurturing way the Bible describes.
3) Seek out her interests and spend time doing them with her.
4) Be willing to talk about the relationship. In fact, be the one to initiate honest dialog about it.
5) Pay attention to the cares and burdens of her heart. Be supportive rather than critical.
6) Do not be shy in ministering the Word to her. Do not preach, but exhort.
7) If something about her bothers you, seek to encourage her in that area.

Holding Hands, Holding Hearts, Phillips (P&R, 2006).

NAPLES GIRLS BOOK CLUB...
WE MEET TOMORROW TO DISCUSS CHAPTER 6-8!
ALSO A GREAT TREAT FOR OUR HUBBIES AND FAMILIES...WE WILL BE MAKING APPLE PIES WITH TERESA'S HELP. BRING ROLLING PIN, PIE PLATE, PASTRY CUTTER AND $5.
10:00-12:00. SEE YOU THEN!

Friday Insights:

Here is another wonderful article from the Archives at Pulpit Magazine:

Have a wonderful weekend!

One dynamic of Children’s Ministries at Grace Community Church is that most of the children we minister to come from Christian families. Many of them are blessed with the sound and systematic teaching from God’s Word both at home and in the church, and even sometimes in school. This is something to be grateful for, but it also presents a unique challenge to those of us in Children’s Ministries. While the world breeds rebels, the church can unwittingly breed hypocrites.
It is the sad testimony of church history that the works and expressions of sacrificial love and devotion of one generation of Christians can quickly turn into legalistic rules and regulations for the next. The convictions of the first generation become the caprice of the second. It is sad and shameful how quickly the Object of wonder and worship of a generation can become the boredom and betrayal of the next. Hypocrisy is an imminent and evident threat to the church of Jesus Christ.
Churched children are seldom given to outright defiance of authority; they are much more susceptible to the poison of Pharisaism. Hypocrisy in the heart is much more difficult to spot than disobedient behavior. The Bible gives us some definite character traits of the pretentious pietist, and here is what they may look like in a child:

His outward behavior and adherence to rules are driven by a desire to please men, not by a love for God with all his heart, soul, mind and strength (Mk. 12:30).

Doing good works and having them observed by adults is more important than the action itself (Mt. 6:5).

The child is openly obedient and responsive – asking to pray before bedtime with you – while maintaining a quietly deceitful and rebellious attitude (Gal. 6:7).

He scrupulously observes the letter of the law – like religiously bringing his Bible to church – but neglects the weightier spirit of the law – like sharing his favorite toys with his siblings (Mt. 23:23).

He craves the verbal praises and tangible rewards of his parents and teachers, but cares little for the approbation of God Himself (Jn. 12:43). Left unchecked by the grace and Word of God, by the time such a child reaches his teenage years, hypocrisy can have entrenched itself.

This teen prefers well-defined, black and white rules, for they give him a sense of certainty that God must surely reward those achievements (Lk. 18:12).

He adds a layer of rules to the Word of God (like not watching any movies, not listening to popular music, et cetera), giving the impression that he holds to a higher standard than Holy Scripture (Mt. 23:4).

He tends to propose personal preferences as, or elevate them above, divine imperatives (Mt. 15:2-3).

He pursues perfectionism (Phil. 3:6), not excellence (Phil. 3:12-14).

He separates himself from others he considers of lesser cultural morality – people whose table manners, courtesy of speech, and refinement of mannerisms do not match middle-class norms (Lk. 15:1-2).

He is judgmental – he excels at fault-finding, he loves to pick verbal fights – and the standard by which he condemns others is not primarily biblical, but personal, preferential, or traditional (Mt. 7:5). He fights against many people, against many issues, but he does not know who he is fighting for.

Hypocrisy is the pretense of virtue or piousness that is contrary to one’s real character. And make no mistake, hypocrisy spreads like an unseen cancer. Everything appears alive and spiritually vital, then suddenly, the person is dull –and soon dead. The Lord specifically warned His disciples, “Beware of the leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy.” (Lk. 12:1) Since hypocrisy is hidden deep within the recesses of the heart, it goes on unchecked and will hollow out its victim from the inside.

One of the dangers is that these outwardly compliant children receive much approval from parents and teachers. So they are encouraged to continue the duplicity unless anti-hypocritical measures are employed. We can certainly teach and militate against hypocrisy in the following ways:
Instead of just dealing with external behavior issues, we should seize every opportunity to help children understand that it is their hearts that generate their actions (Mt. 15:19). In His judgment of man, God looks at the heart (1 Sam.16:7). We should never equate occasions of good behavior (professions of love for Jesus, acts of compliance, et cetera) with saving faith in Jesus. We need to go beyond fixing wrong behavior to helping the child understand that his evil heart can only be changed by the Lord in regeneration.
Emphasize the affections of NT religion. Make sure that we are not just aiming at a young person’s understanding, but that we reach for the heart and its affections.

Do not encourage children to exhibit their talents and gifts to impress others. They should be reminded that all that they are and have are gifts of grace from God (1 Cor. 4:7), and they should not regard themselves more highly than they ought (Rom. 12:3).

Teach the truth about integrity – which comes from the word for “integer” or “whole.” For a child with integrity, whichever way you turn them, they look they same. Who they are at church, is who they are in school, is who they are at home. This is what our kids should be.

Do not be afraid to share our spiritual and moral failures with children in instances where they can identify with our shortcomings. This allows us to be authentic with them. It also allows us to demonstrate our response to God when we have done wrong, and our reliance on Him to continue molding our hearts.
Be authentic in your love for Christ. Genuine desire for Christ is not easily faked. Let your zeal be a barometer by which they measure their own affection for Christ.
Hypocrisy is an insidious danger in Children’s Ministries today. It also threatens each individual home. As parents, it is our job to honor the intention of Psalm 78:4-6:

We will not conceal [the Word of God] from their children, But tell to the generations to come the praises of the LORD, and His strength and His wondrous works that He has done, that they should teach [the law] to their children, that the generation to come might know, even the children yet to be born, That they may arise and tell them to their children. emphasis mine

* Kurt serves as the Pastor of Children’s Ministries at Grace Church.
http://www.sfpulpit.com/2007/10/05/raising-pharisees/

Parenting Proverbs

Today we had a great "Naples Girls Book Club" gathering. It was rich with God centered discussion and insight. We all thought this book "Praying Backwards" is one of the best we have ever read. If you have not purchased it yet, I highly recommend it for this Summer. Even though I have tried to highlight some of the passages here, it does not do the book justice.

For the next two weeks we will work through Chapters 6-8. However, I will be out of town next week, so there will be no postings. I will miss you all...this study and blog has been most enriching to my walk with the Lord. Thank you for questions, comments and encouragement. Please pray for me next week, as I will be in a "training time" for ministry next year.

For today...on the Pulpit blog were some insightful verses regarding parenting from Proverbs.


The book of Proverbs is a wonderful, intensely practical guide that contains much wisdom you can impart to your children as you train them in godly living. For your benefit, we’ve compiled ten lessons from Proverbs you should teach to your children. We’re convinced that, in the process of teaching those ten lessons, you’ll unearth many more principles from Proverbs that will serve your children well their entire lives.
Teach your children:
1. To have a healthy fear of God (1:7; 9:10; 10:27; 14:26-27; 15:16; 16:6; 19:23)
2. To guard their minds (4:23; 23:7)
3. To obey you (1:8; 4:1-4; 6:20-23; 30:17)
4. To carefully select their companions (1:11-18; 2:10-15; 13:20)
5. To control their sinful desires (2:16-19; 5:3-5; 6:23-33; 7:6-27)
6. To enjoy sexual fidelity (5:15-20)
7. To watch their words (4:24; 10:11, 19-21, 32; 12:18, 22; 15:1-2; 16:23; 20:15)
8. To pursue their work (6:6-11; 10:4-5; 22:29)
9. To manage their money (3:9-10; 11:24-26; 19:17; 22:9)
10. To love their neighbors (3:27-29; 25:21-22)

http://www.sfpulpit.com/

Praying Boldly...Chapter 5

Today much of society's advances come about through the old saying "it's not what you know but WHO you know." In job interviews, school placements, advancements even social acceptance it is often aided by who we know. Their position and reputation can get us access to events and even people.

When we pray boldly, we pray not in our own confidence and identity, but on Christ's. In the book "Praying Backwards" Mr. Chapell explains " Our identity as sinful creatures, alienated from the Father has forever been eclipsed by our union with the son He loves."

Ephesians 2:13-22
"But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.
For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by abolishing in his flesh the law with its commandments and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace, and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.
Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit."

"We are now "in Christ" at the same time that He is in us. Through this on-going union, Jesus provides His righteousness for our sin, His strength for our weakness and His relationship with the Fatter to replace our alienation."

So we now have the privileges that are Christ's as the Father's Son. With that privilege and honor comes freedom to enter God's Throne of Grace and speak to the One who rules sovereignly over all things. Mr. Chapell mentions "types" of prayers that can now distinguish us as Christians.

1) Imposing Prayer. Prayer that can come at all hours and at all times. Prayer that has absolute assurance of our Father's care and do not hesitate to ask with confidence that He hears.

2) Pervasive Prayer. Mr. Chapell puts it this way "Despite the Bible's assurance that God listens to us...we may still be hesitant to pray. We avoid prayers that seem to impose on God, either because we perceive Him as harsh or because we perceive Him as so good that it seems ungrateful to ask more. Jesus addresses both concerns. He teaches us to pray for matters large and small without fearing that our prayers will offend the Father." It is important to remember that God is more interested to hear from us than to grade our prayers. We can now pray concerning great matters or small matters.

He ends the chapter "The confidence that we express in such bold prayer is not in the answer we desire but in God. " Again we can boldly and confidently petition God to be God. We can't presume to direct God's thoughts or actions as a due response to our prayers. But we can confidently and boldly ask to reveal His power and perfect will to us. We pray for strength to persevere, to find joy, to exalt the cross and to rest that His divine plan will work out for our eternal good.

A new affection...

The Alliance of Confessing Evangelicals published this letter from Sinclair Ferguson. I thought his words and insights provide further direction and thought regarding praying for the Glory of God. He makes a wonderful point that the love of the world and the love of the Father can not dwell together. One will overide the other. Our first love, the world, can only be expelled by a new love and affection---for God and from God. That is so much of what we have been talking about....

Expelling Worldliness with a New Affection
By Sinclair Ferguson

Thomas Chalmers (1780-1847) was one of the most remarkable men of his time—a mathematician, evangelical theologian, economist, ecclesiastical, political, and social reformer all in one. His most famous sermon was published under the unlikely title: “The Expulsive Power of a New Affection.” In it he expounded an insight of permanent importance for Christian living: you cannot destroy love for the world merely by showing its emptiness. Even if we could do so, that would lead only to despair. The first world–centered love of our hearts can be expelled only by a new love and affection—for God and from God. The love of the world and the love of the Father cannot dwell together in the same heart. But the love of the world can be driven out only by the love of the Father. Hence Chalmers’ sermon title. True Christian living, holy and right living, requires a new affection for the Father as its dynamic. Such new affection is part of what William Cowper called “the blessedness I knew when first I saw the Lord”—a love for the holy that seems to deal our carnal affections a deadly blow at the beginning of the Christian life. Soon, however, we discover that for all that we have died to sin in Christ, sin has by no means died in us. Sometimes its continued influence surprises us, even appears to overwhelm us in one or other of its manifestations. We discover that our “new affections” for spiritual things must be renewed constantly throughout the whole of our pilgrimage. If we lose the first love we will find ourselves in serious spiritual peril.
Sometimes we make the mistake of substituting other things for it. Favorites here are activity and learning. We become active in the service of God ecclesiastically (we gain the positions once held by those we admired and we measure our spiritual growth in terms of position achieved); we become active evangelistically and in the process measure spiritual strength in terms of increasing influence; or we become active socially, in moral and political campaigning, and measure growth in terms of involvement. Alternatively, we recognize the intellectual fascination and challenge of the gospel and devote ourselves to understanding it, perhaps for its own sake, perhaps to communicate it to others. We measure our spiritual vitality in terms of understanding, or in terms of the influence it gives us over others. But no position, influence, or evolvement can expel love for the world from our hearts. Indeed, they may be expressions of that very love. Others of us make the mistake of substituting the rules of piety for loving affection for the Father: “Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!” Such disciplines have an air of sanctity about them, but in fact they have no power to restrain the love of the world. The root of the matter is not on my table, or in my neighborhood, but in my heart. Worldliness has still not been expelled. It is all too possible, in these different ways, to have the form of genuine godliness (how subtle our hearts are!) without its power. Love for the world will not have been expunged, but merely diverted.
Only a new love is adequate to expel the old one. Only love for Christ, with all that it implies, can squeeze out the love of this world. Only those who long for Christ’s appearing will be delivered from Demas-like desertion caused by being in love with this world.

How can we recover the new affection for Christ and his kingdom that so powerfully impacted our life-long worldliness, and in which we crucified the flesh with its lusts? What was it that created that first love in any case? Do you remember? It was our discovery of Christ’s grace in the realization of our own sin. We are not naturally capable of loving God for himself, indeed we hate him. But in discovering this about ourselves, and in learning of the Lord’s supernatural love for us, love for the Father was born. Forgiven much, we loved much. We rejoiced in the hope of glory, in suffering, even in God himself. This new affection seemed first to overtake our worldliness, then to master it. Spiritual realities—Christ, grace, Scripture, prayer, fellowship, service, living for the glory of God—filled our vision and seemed so large, so desirable that other things by comparison seemed to shrink in size and become bland to the taste. The way in which we maintain “the expulsive power of a new affection” is the same as the way we first discovered it. Only when grace is still “amazing” to us does it retain its power in us. Only as we retain a sense of our own profound sinfulness can we retain a sense of the graciousness of grace. Many of us share Cowper’s sad questions: “Where is the blessedness I knew when first I saw the Lord? Where is the soul-refreshing view of Jesus and his word?” Let us remember the height from which we have fallen, repent and return to those first works. It would be sad if the deepest analysis of our Christianity was that it lacked a sense of sin and of grace. That would suggest that we knew little if the expulsive power of a new affection. But there is no right living that last without it.
To read further:
http://www.alliancenet.org/partner/Article_Display_Page/0,,PTID307086%7CCHID560462%7CCIID1947798,00.html